The Girl In The Mirror
by DevilChild1
Summary: Maybe Kate had other reasons for leaving group, maybe she was just speeding up what would happen in the end no matter what... But how does she feel about her new statis & her new friends, her new life R+R please!!!


The Girl In the Mirror  
  
By Devilchild211  
  
Devilchild211@hotmail.com  
  
Angst  
  
PG-13  
  
Author's Notes  
  
You know the usually, I don't own Lizzie Mcguire, R+R please. The song is by Britney Spears, 'Girl In the Mirror' It fits in a way, & in a way doesn't…  
  
*****  
  
There's a girl in the mirror,  
  
I wonder who she is,  
  
Sometimes I think I know her,  
  
Sometimes I really wish I did,  
  
There's a story in her eyes,  
  
Lullabies and goodbyes,  
  
When she's looking back at me,  
  
I can tell her heart is broken, easily  
  
I know where I now stand in his eyes, the same eyes I had looked up to for so long… We use to be so close but as they say… that was then, this is now… And now I'm the popular bitch that he doesn't give a damn about. You know, sometimes I wonder what really happened. I know everything comes straight back to me. What they were thinking when I laughed in their faces at the beginning of 7th grade after not seeing them for 2 months at summer camp, telling them they were pathetic, to get out of my face? I dumped them all, dumped all the unpopular losers right? So how come I felt more & more like shit every second?  
  
'Cause the girl in my mirror,  
  
Is cryin' in tonight,  
  
And there's nothing I can tell her,  
  
To make her feel all right,  
  
Oh, the girl in my mirror,  
  
Is cryin' 'cause of you,  
  
And I wish there was something,  
  
Something I could do  
  
I remember when Lizzie & I had gotten into an argument 2 years ago in the beginning of 6th grade. We didn't talk to each other for a month; Miranda had immediately taken Lizzie's side. It showed me where I stood with them. He had taken mine. I remember when held me in his arms saying that Miranda & Lizzie were just being narrow minded & bitchy, that they'd come to their senses soon enough. He was right, but they didn't for me, it was for him. I had been growing farther & farther from them, yet he never seemed to notice that he was probably the only thing that held the four of us together. I'm not sure if they realized it but in the end they won.  
  
If I could, I would tell her,  
  
Not to be afraid,  
  
The pain that's she feeling,  
  
The sense of loneliness will fade,  
  
So dry your tears and rest assured,  
  
Love will find you like before,  
  
When she's looking back at me,  
  
I know nothing really works that easily  
  
I know he thinks that I gave up everything, gave it all up for superficial things like popularity & guys. No, I was just speeding up the enviable when the foursome would break up. I was going to end it on my own terms, I was going to leave them instead of them leaving me. I would have gladly brought him along but I couldn't, he'd just reject my offer, he would be loyal. The thing I loved about him would be turned against me. Almost as if the gods were against me, maybe they were…  
  
'Cause the girl in my mirror,  
  
Is cryin' in tonight,  
  
And there's nothing I can tell her,  
  
To make her feel all right,  
  
Oh, the girl in my mirror,  
  
Is cryin' 'cause of you,  
  
And I wish there was something,  
  
I wish there was something,  
  
Oh, I wish there was  
  
Something I could do  
  
I grab the phone, grab the pills by my bed, walked into the bathroom. I dialed his number.  
  
"Hello?" I heard his deep voice answer the phone  
  
"It's me, Kate. Don't hang up!" I plead sounding rather pathetic & sounded even more so when I started sobbing.  
  
"Kate? Are you alright?" he asked, his voice filled with disbelief. I guess I had preserved the imagine of me being tough & cool without even knowing it.  
  
"Please, I'm sitting here, I have a bottle of pills in my hand in the bathroom. Please, is there anything in life worth living for?" I asked desperately. I heard him sharply intake his breath.  
  
"Kate, put down the pills, there's plenty to live for Kate." He ordered me in a soft reassuring voice.  
  
"That's a lie! There's nothing left for me out there! Nothing! You don't know what it's like." I whispered the last words, shocked that they were held so true. There really was nothing left for me. Nothing at all.  
  
I can't believe it's part of me,  
  
That the girl in the mirror,  
  
The girl in the mirror,  
  
Is me  
  
He seemed to pause for a moment, "Then tell what it is like. Tell me why you left us." He seemed almost remorseful.  
  
"Don't you see? It would of happened sooner or later. I just chose to be the dumper instead of the dumpy. You can't say you didn't notice it happening, that soon you became the only thing holding us together."  
  
He didn't say anything but then I started rambling, about everything. About how I felt I was swimming with the sharks' everyday, the sharks that I was suppose to call friends. Having to prove myself better then the others. Having to watch my every step for someone would use it against me to overthrow me. How it was so lonely out there, how lonely it was on top, no one watching your back. Having to be prefect, how popularity paid it's toll. How I missed being with him. How I loved him. I didn't realize what I was saying, everything was pouring out of me, I swallowed one pill, then another & another, I could hear his protests begging me to stop, but I didn't listen. I heard footsteps thundering up the stairs & heard him searching though the house, suddenly the door slammed open. He rushed towards me grabbing the bottle of pills from me, I had already swallowed must of them. He paled & flushed them down the toilet. I didn't bother struggling when he grabbed my arm & called 9-1-1.  
  
I can't believe what I see, no, oh  
  
Oh, the girl in my mirror,  
  
The girl in my mirror, is me,  
  
Oh, is me  
  
Oh my, my visions fading fast. I looked up at him & smiled at my angel that had been with me for so long. "Kate! Kate! Don't fall asleep!" I felt myself being shaken awake. "Come on, Kate they'll be here soon & you'll be alright." His voice sounded desperate & I couldn't help wondering why'd he care about someone who treated him like shit for all these years. But that was how he was I reasoned with myself, that was reason I loved him… he was so forgiving… so loving… & -I feel sleepy... I can't… stay… awake As I fell into an endless dark hole, "I love you Gordo."  
  
*****  
  
So what'd ya think? Review now! 


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